It is hard to believe that Cameron and I are here, at this point of our lives, expecting a little one.We truly could not be more excited, and even as we experience such joy, we are also struck by the immense amount of responsibility and honor it is to hold the title of mom and dad.I always imagined that pregnancy would be this beautiful, magical, life-altering experience, and I can certainly say that the thought of being a mother is all of those things, but the reality of my pregnancy has been none of those things.At the beginning, I struggled with that. I heard friends, coworkers, cousins share about how wonderful or easy pregnancy was for them, and I kept waiting until that switch turned on, that 'pregnancy bliss' switch, but it never did, it still hasn't, but today, I am okay with that.There were plenty of moments I was on my knees (and oh no, not figuratively, literally on my knees in the shower) begging for some relief of the nauseous, the fatigue, the fear, but it was in those moments I heard His soft whisper. I often wonder if the challenges of pregnancy had not brought me to my knees, would I have heard those whispers of compassion, tenderness, care, assurance that 'all is well, all will be well'? The answer is, probably not.I am someone who loves to learn—be it in the classroom or from something I read or a story I hear. But more often than not, the lessons I learn are when I am on my knees, figuratively or literally...Lessons I learned during my first trimester:1. Do NOT compare myself to other pregnant women.2. Actually, do NOT compare myself to ANYONE for that matter. It is such a waste of time and head space.3. The sacrifice of motherhood begins in pregnancy—it is then I realized my life is no longer about me. Praise God, my life is not about me.4. Cameron is far more equipped to care, lead, and love our family than I could have ever imagined. From waking up before me to go to the grocery store to get me something I needed, to bringing me chicken soup, to holding my hair as I hugged the toilet, as he sat on the bathroom floor as I just sit in shower. Not that I ever doubted he'd be a wonderful husband and father, but it certainly has been a season where I saw his great love and servant heart.5. Do NOT drink a lot of water and eat at the same time...6. I know not all mamas will relate to this, but maybe some will—there is a point in pregnancy where you truly feel helpless, like an unlovable wife, a worthless employee, a terrible and forgetful friend, and it was in those moments, that I needed the grace to remember that the act of caring this baby is one of the most sacred, if not most sacred thing, a mother could do for her family. So to my own mama, thank you for your sacrifice.7. Do NOT rely on Google Dr.8. I am doing the best I can, and that is all that matters.9. REST. REST. REST. and don't feel bad about it.10. The only thing that will get me through this pregnancy, and I would imagine through motherhood, is choosing to trust. Choosing faith over fear—every moment of every day.
The Lord is good,a refuge in times of trouble.He cares for those who trust in him
Nahum 1: 7